Oops

How can the whole of May have passed without me typing a word here? Isn't it weird how some months seem to drag on forever (January this year felt like an epoch) and some just skip on past so quickly that you hardly notice them.

Anyway, hello again! How've you been? Did you get that promotion you were after? How about those Red Sox? And other things of that nature.

Life here has been both stressful and pretty uneventful, somehow. The biggest change is that I'm now seeing someone (we're officially "in a relationship" on Facebook, so you know it's a big deal). All's going well so far, apart from the fact that we're a little bit too alike - we're both quite quiet and introspective so long periods go past where neither of us says anything. Which I actually don't mind, I hate people who are jabberjabberjabbering all the live-long day, but I worry sometimes that he's bored and wondering why I don't have more to say for myself. I'm sure he's not though, or he wouldn't keep calling, would he? Well, we'll see.

On a more important note, he can make me cum* like there's no tomorrow. Before this, I hadn't had sex since February and I was starting to think I could live without it, but now...I literally want to be naked with him every hour of every day (luckily neither of us have jobs at the moment so we can actually do that). I'd forgotten how sexy it is when someone's inside you and you're both sweaty and breathless and it feels so amazing and then he says your name....god, it kills me every time. It might just be because of the drought, but I can't get enough of it.

Anyway, at the moment I have a whopping cold sore (sexy!) so we're limited in the things we can do - which is unfortunate because he's very talented with his mouth - but once that's gone normal service will be resumed. And I CANNOT WAIT.

Oh, I should probably add that he's also incredibly sweet and thoughtful and makes me laugh. You know, all the good stuff. It's little things, like we were in a bar the other night and I'd nearly finished my drink, and suddenly a new one appears in front of me. That sounds minor, but I've never had a boyfriend who does things like that. Most of them wouldn't have even noticed, and even then I would've had to ask for them to get me another (which I wouldn't do by the way, I'm not one of these women who expects everything on a plate. But it's nice when it happens unexpectedly).

So, yeah, smitten. Everyone keep your fingers crossed for this one.

*I hate writing that word - is it "cum" or "come"? - but it's my favourite way to put it. "Orgasm" is a bit too grown up.

I met a man!

Again.

He's cute and kind of odd looking (exactly my type) and he's got a great accent and he smells sexy - pheromones rather than Lynx Africa, which I actually love shut up. You know when a guy puts his hands above his head and you get a whiff of him and go "ooooh!" Yeah, that.

And this one is NOT going to go to Morocco and come home with a girlfriend. Still not over that, in case you can't tell.

The only thing is, he's got the same name as my cousin, which is a bit weird. And once again I used sex as an icebreaker, despite my plan to keep my legs shut. Still, I'm seeing him again so it's not quite as whorish. And it was sooooooo good. One more point on the Non-Self-Induced-Orgasm board. I rode that boy so hard I'm walking bow-legged today. I, erm, called in sick for work (on my second day, nice one) but all in all, not a bad day [/Jim Halpert].

Act 1 - in which our heroine begins to reveal her sluttiness.

Me: I'm meeting [Potential New Boyfriend] tomorrow night, so could you drop me off at the station?
Mother: Of course. Will you need to be picked up again later?
Me: Nope.
Mother: Oh.
Long pause.
Mother: Don't you think it's a bit soon to be staying at his house? It's only been two weeks.
Me: Nope.
And scene.

If only she knew I'd fucked him within an hour of meeting him. In fact, if she had any idea what my "number" actually is, I really think a valve in her brain would pop. Ignorance is bliss.

Still no period. 9 days late, that's not a big deal is it?

He's ba-aack!

I know I should've been way more indignant. I should've made him work his way back into my good books. You can't just go missing for two weeks then reappear and expect everything to be normal.

And yet.

Yes, the first of the two men I'm dating (well, sleeping with - let's not overstate things) popped back up to say hello last night. I'd had a really crap night - a group of about 10 of us has gone to this big outdoor party thing, and I'd lost everyone within about two minutes of getting there so I had to come home ridiculously early. Normally I might've wandered for a while, befriended some girl while queueing for the loo, and eventually stumbled across my friends randomly after a couple of hours or so, but I just wasn't feeling it last night despite having a face full of UV paint and looking super hot in my new top. So, home I trundled, stopping off on the way for a few bags of crisps which I consumed in my pyjamas while reading crappy womens' magazines.

Then, 2a.m., my phone beeps:

"Sorry haven't been in touch, been ill and had lots of stuff going on. Didn't mean to mess you around, just been selfish recently." Well at least he's honest. I texted back explaining my crappy night. He replies:

"Not in the mood? Doesn't sound like you! [clearly he knows me well] On way home now, hammered. Getting pizza."

What can I say? I was hungry. I demanded he come over immediately. He didn't need to be invited twice, probably couldn't believe his luck. Didn't even have to grovel. I'm so weak.

It was a great night in the end though. When I'm on top of him everything flies out of my head and all I can think about is how amazing he feels inside me. We fell asleep at about 6, wrapped up in each other. He got up to go to work at 11, and now I probably won't see him for another two weeks or so. Or until the next time he's drunk and horny, whichever comes first.

Where's my willpower? If found, please return to walkallovermeidon'tmind@selfrespect.com

I got laid!

Hurrah!

Sunday night started out as a night in - Friday had been a big one and Saturday was spent coming down, so Sunday was supposed to be relaxing and early night-ish. However, my flatmate O came home from her weekend away, still drunk from 4 days of solid drinking, and before I knew it the two of us were knocking back vodka like there was no tomorrow. Some people she knows were going to this drum&bass night, which was practically right next door to our place, so we decided to tag along.

I swear to god, it was so hot I thought I was going to pass out (this was the place, not the sex. I'll get to that in a minute.) I had a couple of shots of tequila and danced for about 3 hours straight, then when I was sweaty as all hell, started looking around for a potential victim. Voila - there was one, not two feet away from me, giving me the eye. I danced over and stole a sip of his beer (that always seems to be a winner, somehow) and he offered to buy me a drink of my own, so we wandered to the bar...to find it closed! It was only 2 o'clock, the place was hotter than Hades, and I was dying for a sip of water, but it was not to be. So I invited him back to my room for "a drink".

Once there, he looked at the photos on my wall and said "Oh, that's [insert my best friend's name here]." We'll call her B - she and I were at university together the first time, in the Midlands, and she has absolutely no connection to where I am now. Turns out he went to that uni too, a year or so below us, and lived with her in third year, when she and I were on non-speakers. So he knows her and all the other people I once lived with (before they shunned me, but that's another story).

How random is that? Out of the however many hundred people were in the building that night, I pick him. The world is ridiculously small, I'm telling you.

Anyway, we proceeded to get it on for the next 8 hours - I think we slept for about 20 minutes the whole time. He'd taken something that meant he found it really hard to shoot his load, so it was like having my own Real Doll, except not creepy. I just went to town. Normally I don't spend much time on top because I don't really know what I'm doing up there and I get a bit self-conscious after about 2 minutes, but he sort of coached me through it and the upshot was, I reeeeealllly enjoyed myself. Still no orgasm, but it was so much fun regardless.*

And now...I think I quite like him, against my better judgement. We've been texting, but he's got exams to revise for and I'm back at my parents' this weekend so I probably won't see him until next week. But I will see him, because I haven't been sorted out like that for a long long time, and I want more.

*Just realised I haven't mentioned my inability to come with someone else in the room. Will produce a post about that soon.

Oh no

No no no no no.

This morning I woke up and was almost immediately consumed by a sense of dread. You know that feeling, where you can't quite remember what you've done but you're sure it's something awful? Usually I just have to roll over and it's there next to me, snoring away. Ah ha ha.

But no, it wasn't one of those mornings - I was definitely alone. Something else...and then it came back to me. Last night, while pissed on Strongbow (it was 50p a can, don't judge me) I sent the New Boy a message. Quite an incoherent message, along the lines of "why haven't you rung me I quite like you just tell me to get lost if you want". The kind of message I'm usually on the receiving end of, which makes me think the person who has sent it is desperate and incapable of taking a hint.

And now I am that desperado.

Bear in mind I've met this man once, weeks ago, and ok we spent the night together but still, he owes me nothing. It's not like we'd been out a few times and then he dropped off the face of the earth. ONE encounter. He's going to think I'm such a stalker.

Hnnngh! Idiot.

Woo!

I met a man last night. For the first time in a long long time I met a man who gives me the stomach flip. He's so damn cute, it's not even funny. And really sweet too. And he has interesting hair.

We met at a party, then he turned up in the pub my friends and I had moved on to, then it turned out he lives in the same building as my friend's friend, who we went to visit after the pub shut. I was pretty hammered by this stage, but I remember sitting next to him on the sofa and talking away about...something, I forget what. Then I'm pretty sure I asked him if he was planning to kiss me, and he must've said yes because we launched into a snogathon that lasted for the best part of an hour, I think - put it this way, when we came up for air the room was empty; twenty-odd people had disappeared without me noticing.

It was about 5a.m. at this stage, so we went to bed. Not to sleep, obviously. He went down on me without me having to hint - extra points for that. And he didn't seem to mind me telling him to bite my nipples harder; I think it kind of turned him on, actually. We didn't do everything, but we did plenty.

I woke up at 10 to find my period had started. Nice timing, Flo! I just put my pants on and didn't say anything, he doesn't need to be faced with that after one night together. We kissed goodbye on the street and some girl walking past went "woo!" Damn right, woo!

So now I'm at home feeling sick with nerves - that's a sign that I really like someone. The last time I felt like this was with The Ex Who I'm Still Not Over.

He'd better bloody ring me.