I go back to my course on Monday. Can't wait, if only because I'll be out of my parents' house and back into my own space. No more hiding the condoms and the vibrators and the pills. It'll be paraphernalia agogo, illicit substances strewn on every surface.
But there are going to be big changes. I've decided I'm not going to sleep with just anyone who bothers to look at me. My new bed is going to be pristine until I meet someone I really really like (the click will be necessary). And, of course, I'll be exhausted from spending eight hours a day at the hospital, trying not to spew at the sight of peoples' eyes being popped out of their sockets [I originally typed "sickets" there, which says a lot about my state of mind].
Eyes, eeeeuuuuuwwwwww!!!!!!!
Right, hopefully that's it out of my system.
Thursday, 27 September 2007
Wednesday, 19 September 2007
Timmy/Shimmy
Apparently Shimmy is Alice Brady and Timmy is Arthur Blake.
I call bullshit.
Brady was 22 years older than Blake, but that's only a minor point - if you look at pictures of Arthur Blake, he was most definitely a MAN, in drag or not. There's no way he and Brady could've passed for each other. It's my personal believe that the originator of this myth (http://crazydaysandnights.blogspot.com ) studied the hundreds/thousands of comments he got in response to this supposed blind item and used them to formulate an answer.
As an Old Hollywood obsessive I wanted it to be real, but deep down I knew it was too good to be true.
Oh, and I got laid the other night. But it's not really worth blogging about. Why would you bother to have sex with someone you don't fancy? Because you get too drunk to say no and feel so unattractive that anyone who makes a move is worthy, that's why. I think it's time to buy an AA book.
I call bullshit.
Brady was 22 years older than Blake, but that's only a minor point - if you look at pictures of Arthur Blake, he was most definitely a MAN, in drag or not. There's no way he and Brady could've passed for each other. It's my personal believe that the originator of this myth (http://crazydaysandnights.blogspot.com ) studied the hundreds/thousands of comments he got in response to this supposed blind item and used them to formulate an answer.
As an Old Hollywood obsessive I wanted it to be real, but deep down I knew it was too good to be true.
Oh, and I got laid the other night. But it's not really worth blogging about. Why would you bother to have sex with someone you don't fancy? Because you get too drunk to say no and feel so unattractive that anyone who makes a move is worthy, that's why. I think it's time to buy an AA book.
Friday, 14 September 2007
He used the cryo.
The bastard arsehole doctor used liquid nitrogen to freeze my moles off, rather than being nice and civilised with a needle and some lignocaine.
Actually "freeze them off" isn't accurate - it takes about a week for them to blister and then drop off. So now I look like I'm singlehandedly reintroducing the Black Death to Britain.
When I did my placement in dermatology, I helped out with the freezing process. I used to hear people moaning about how it hurt, and each time I thought "get over it you big baby, it's just a bit cold."
No, it's not just a bit cold. It hurts! At the time it was just a bit uncomfortable - like, you know when the dentist's drilling your tooth and you're thinking "he's going to stop any minute now. Any minute. Yep, whenever you're ready Mr. Dentist. Okay, stop stop stop it's doing my head in!!" You know? Well, that's how it feels when the -200 degree liquid nitrogen is being sprayed directly onto your skin. Afterwards is when the real pain starts. I was stinging for about an hour ( not five to ten minutes, as the good old doctor told me.)
And the best part? It might not even work on some of them. All in all, I might as well have hacked at them myself with a potato peeler.
Actually "freeze them off" isn't accurate - it takes about a week for them to blister and then drop off. So now I look like I'm singlehandedly reintroducing the Black Death to Britain.
When I did my placement in dermatology, I helped out with the freezing process. I used to hear people moaning about how it hurt, and each time I thought "get over it you big baby, it's just a bit cold."
No, it's not just a bit cold. It hurts! At the time it was just a bit uncomfortable - like, you know when the dentist's drilling your tooth and you're thinking "he's going to stop any minute now. Any minute. Yep, whenever you're ready Mr. Dentist. Okay, stop stop stop it's doing my head in!!" You know? Well, that's how it feels when the -200 degree liquid nitrogen is being sprayed directly onto your skin. Afterwards is when the real pain starts. I was stinging for about an hour ( not five to ten minutes, as the good old doctor told me.)
And the best part? It might not even work on some of them. All in all, I might as well have hacked at them myself with a potato peeler.
Monday, 10 September 2007
Still not gettin' any
The Daily Mail would have us believe that the average British woman aged 18-25 cannot go on holiday without men lining up to give them a good dicking. I am statistical proof that this is not true. I was on holiday this past week and came home with no tan and no mans. Not even a whiff of an STD.
I'm getting all my moles removed on Thursday (well, all except the one next to my ladybits. I'm not revealing that to my friendly neighbourhood doctor for him to go home and wank over later). Five of them are being lopped off, and I can't wait - it'll avoid awkward situations like the time a group of us went to Alton Towers and a friend's friend swiped at my collarbone, saying "you've got an insect on you!" Nope, that's a mole. There's no way of saying that without embarrassing the other person. I wasn't blushing in the slightest, but she couldn't look me in the eye for the rest of the day.
So, come Thursday, they're gone. I've worked in dermatology, I know the drill - the anaesthetic is going to sting like hell, and then it'll be painless. Then they'll move on to the next one. Five ouchies, all worth it.
I'm getting all my moles removed on Thursday (well, all except the one next to my ladybits. I'm not revealing that to my friendly neighbourhood doctor for him to go home and wank over later). Five of them are being lopped off, and I can't wait - it'll avoid awkward situations like the time a group of us went to Alton Towers and a friend's friend swiped at my collarbone, saying "you've got an insect on you!" Nope, that's a mole. There's no way of saying that without embarrassing the other person. I wasn't blushing in the slightest, but she couldn't look me in the eye for the rest of the day.
So, come Thursday, they're gone. I've worked in dermatology, I know the drill - the anaesthetic is going to sting like hell, and then it'll be painless. Then they'll move on to the next one. Five ouchies, all worth it.
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