Sorted.

Yep, it's all done - I'm taking four months off to get myself fixed (or work through my issues, as my personal tutor phrased it.) She was the nicest person in the world about the situation, advised me on counselling services and the like, and I came away feeling happy about how things had been resolved.

And then I got home and had to break it to my parents. The horror.

Dear Mother: it is NOT my fault that I can't get a handle on my moods, so please don't try to make me feel guilty. Please stop asking "why" I'm depressed. If I knew that then I wouldn't have a fucking problem would I? I am no longer 8 years old - I know what's best for me. I have to do what I feel is right. I can't live under your wing all my life. I know you love me and you're concerned for me. But I can't be worrying about you as well as taking care of myself. I need support, not a guilt trip.

Also, dear New Boy: fucking well ring me you twat.