I love my ex, unfortunately. We've been sort of a couple since my last post - by "sort of" I mean we see each other every couple of weeks and spend all the time we have together being very lovey dovey and touchy feely, but he's still listed as single on Facebook.
During this time I've been occasionally sleeping with someone else. I have no idea why, since I really do love the ex. I think it's because I have a massive need for attention, a craving for affection. Or maybe it's because I can't allow myself to be happy so I always have to do something that will in the long term lead to a massive fuckup. Case in point: this other guy is in the same circle of friends as the ex, and this weekend found out he wasn't the only one. He's devastated, everyone else in the group hates me, and it's only a matter of time before Ex finds out, at which point my entire world will collapse.
And it's all my own fault. I wish I could stop sabotaging everything in my life. But I don't deserve to be happy, especially not now.
Edit: I've just reread this post and it's so self-pitying I can hardly stand it. I fucked up, this is all my fault and I need to be a big girl, learn from my mistakes and move on. There's nothing anyone can do to fix it. I'll just have to take the disapproval from my friends, which is completely justified, and take steps from now on to be a better person and not screw people over like this ever again.
Basically I need to stop being such a whiny bitch and just fucking get on with it. Simple as that.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
4 comments:
Umm... didn't he dump you for some other girl who then told him she didn't want to be in a relationship with you? Didn't he tell you that he realized he didn't feel anything for you?
So how are you the fuck up?
Maybe since I am going through massive amounts of drama with this guy in my life, I am just in an overly cynical place right now. However, from my current vantage point -- honey, he's listed as single. Who knows if he's sleeping with anyone else, but he sure as hell isn't committed to you. You feeling like you've done something wrong shows that you have a higher sense of morals than some others. However, he's not committed to you. Don't feel like you should be to him.
Regarding the other guy -- whatever. If there's no commitment there from his side, you've not betrayed anyone. In my experience guys ALWAYS want you to be monogamous while they go ahead and fuck like bunnies with whoever they want. Can anyone say "double standard" any louder?
Thank you for putting it in perspective, anonymous wise one. Since this post, the shit has hit the fan and Ex has made me feel like the smallest, most evil person in the world. While I still feel like crap, those last two sentences make me feel a lot better.
You're welcome. I hope things work out for you, I really do. I sent you an email, btw.
Chin up!
Don't ever let another person have so much emotional power over you. Remember, no guy is that special (and I say that as a guy. Great blog btw.
Post a Comment