March? Madness!

How on earth is it March already? I'm still not used to writing "2011", so how can we be 3 months in? Bonkers.

As it happens, I have to write the date a lot because I finally have a job! It's in a hospital (so there's a lot of documentation, which means knowing what year it is is quite important - oops) and I'm absolutely loving it. I've finally confirmed that nursing wouldn't have been the right job for me - I work alongside the nurses and I know for sure that I couldn't do what they do, with all the responsibility and all the shit that gets thrown at them (not literally, we healthcare assistants are more likely to be the ones covered in faeces by the end of the day). Maybe I'll go back to it one day, when I feel capable of taking it on, but at the moment I'm very happy where I am. Finally!

Relationship-wise all's well too. We're coming up for two years this summer, yikes! We're planning to move somewhere just the two of us in a few months, which will be lovely - living with two extra people is sometimes fun, but when one of those people is a complete and utter arsehole who can't even remember to CLOSE THE FRONT DOOR when he goes out...well, let's just say I won't miss communal living all that much.

In fact, I'll be back with a whole post about Idiot Housemate - he really and truly deserves it!

Blimey...

...it's been almost a year since my last post! Since then, not much has really changed - I'm still with my housemate (who shall be called boyfriend from now on) and I still haven't had the all-clear on the smear test front. I had all the procedures last year, then in my follow-up there were still some abnormal cells there. So I have to go back in September and get checked again, because apparently it could clear up on its own. But, you know, it's me so there's no way that's going to happen.

Stupid body.

Anyway, how are you?

Good news:

...housemate and I are now a couple. I haven't had this kind of uncomplicated, "I like you, you like me, let's sit and hold hands and watch TV" thing for over a year, and I'd forgotten how FANTASTIC it is.

Bad news: I've had two abnormal smear test results in the past 6 months, so tomorrow I have to go for a colposcopy (basically a man wearing magnifying goggles has a poke around your cervix with a big cotton bud). Fun!

Wish me luck.

Alright?

How's things?

I'm...okay, I suppose. Recently moved house and now live with three blokes, one of whom I'm rapidly developing a crush on. We've spent a couple of nights cuddling in each others' beds (although no funny business, not even a kiss - look at me, I'm learning and growing and changing!) but last night we decided it'd be way too complicated to get into anything. Spooning, however, is still allowed. So I'm happy because I still get to sleep next to him, but not happy because that's it. Hmmph.

I want to hibernate for a few weeks please.

P.P.S.

"Don't ever let another person have so much emotional power over you. Remember, no guy is that special."

Mr NYC, I need to have this tattooed somewhere about my person. Thank you.

P.S.

Anonymous, for some reason I didn't get your email. If you wanted to send it again, that'd be great. If not, no problem.

rockinghorse_fly@hotmail.com

Wow.

It feels like my entire life has flipped, with a back handspring thrown in for good measure. Ex found out about everything and we haven't spoken since (he removed me as a friend on Facebook, say no more) and out of a group of friends of about 30, I now have precisely 2 people who will still talk to me. This does not include my housemates, who sat me down and told me they're willing to "let me" live in the same house until our contract is up in June because they don't want to have a stranger move in, but categorically stated that we are not friends and co-existing is all I'm going to get. Which I totally understand, I behaved horribly to two guys who have been friends of theirs longer than I have, but it's not exactly my ideal situation.

Added to that, I've had a bit of trauma with my department because, for the third time, I wasn't attending enough to pass the module. The first time was because my grandmother had died, the second time was because of the abortion, but this time I had no excuse. And to be honest, I think the last two times those were just "convenient" excuses too. This time I had to face up to the fact that I have anxiety issues and am most likely depressed, and I need help. Thankfully the university has a counselling service which I'm attending on Tuesday, hopefully to get some cognitive behavioural therapy to help with my confidence. Everyone has been amazingly supportive, including my parents, who were notified by the university - I came home for a visit one day and found myself having to tell the entire truth, which felt like such a weight off my shoulders considering I've been lying to them for a long time about my progress on the nursing course.

I seriously feel like everything's out in the open now and I can start 2009 as a completely open and honest person. No lies about my course, no two-timing people, no fucked up behaviour in general. That's the person I want to be, and I really really hope I can do it.

Oh, and I'm going to AA on Monday night too. Can't hurt.